Grief deeply affects cognition, motivation, relationships,
and a person’s sense of safety. Applying an intentionally caring, optimistic, respectful,
and trusting (ICORT) mindset (Anderson, 2021) helps leaders and teachers create
environments where individuals feel psychologically safe, supported, and
valued. Grounded Invitational
Education Theory Purkey
& Novak, 2015) and unconditional
positive regard (Rogers, 1956), the goal is not to fix grief but rather to honor
it while sustaining connection, dignity, and hope. Leaders and staff may benefit
from the following actionable strategies applicable across contexts, followed
by role-specific applications.
Caring is an ICORT assumption
that suggests making support visible and consistent. Acknowledging the loss directly but gently
make simply be: “I’m really sorry for what you’re going through.” Offering
presence rather than solutions acknowledges that grief is not a problem to
solve. Checking in periodically and providing small, meaningful gestures such
as notes, flexibility, or a quiet space reduces isolation and signals, “You
matter here.”
Communicating belief in the
person’s ability to navigate grief over time expresses optimism that can help
one hold onto hope without dismissing pain.
This normalizes the ups and downs as “There’s no right timeline for this…” Highlighting support systems and strengths
without forcing positivity helps to sustain hope while validating reality.
Honoring individual grieving
styles is respectful. Avoid assumptions
about how someone “should” grieve.
Rather, respect cultural, spiritual, and personal differences by inviting
choices: talking vs. not talking, participating vs. stepping back; helps to
preserve dignity and autonomy.
Empowering one’s agency and
voice exhibits trust. This assumption allows
the individual to guide what is needed. Maintaining
confidentiality and avoiding micromanagement of performance or emotional
expression builds psychological safety and self-efficacy.
Ine the workplace, effective
leaders normalize grief in professional spaces.
With permission, one’s loss should be publicly acknowledged. This is an opportunity to appropriately model
vulnerability: “I don’t have the perfect words, but I care.”
Offering flexible structures
is an extremely powerful response.
Minimally, adjust workloads, deadlines, or schedules. Providing options such as remote work, leave,
temporarily reduced expectations establishes an ICORT mindset by moving beyond people
to the workplace, policies, and programs that establish an inviting culture.
Training managers in
grief-informed responses teaches listening skills over “fixing” people. Discouraging toxic positivity is part of this
training. This avoids ever saying
something like, “Everything happens for a reason.”
Creating support systems is an
ongoing process. Peer support groups or
buddy systems will evolve so need to be monitored and adjusted. Access to counseling or Employee Assistance
Programs should be more than a blurb in the employee handbook.
Maintaining connection without
pressure exhibits ICORT. Inviting, but not requiring participation, keep the
individual included in communication loops on his or her terms. Ideally, the leadership stance is perceived
as, “You are valued here beyond your productivity.”
In the classroom context,
teachers should seek to create emotionally safe environments. Providing an intentionally caring, optimistic,
respectful, and trusting (ICORT) classroom establishes the norm that emotions
are acceptable. Thereafter, predictable routines and stability
supports grieving students.
Respectfully, adjust academic
expectations. Offer extensions or alternative assignments. Break tasks into
smaller, manageable pieces
With care, provide expression
outlets. Journaling, art, or optional sharing empowers through choice. Literature
or discussions can normalize grief experiences as real and relevant.
Yes, watch for behavioral
changes. Grief may show up as
withdrawal, irritability, or lack of focus. Optimistically respond with
curiosity, not punishment
Willingly collaborate with
caregivers and support staff. With
sensitivity and consent, communicate with counselors and families. This ensures more consistent support across
environments. The ideal teaching
stance should be, “You belong here exactly as you are today.”
Use language that reflects an ICORT mindset (Purkey, Novak,
& Fretz, 2020; Anderson 2021) and unconditional positive regard (Rodgers,
1956). Rather than saying,
- “You
need to stay strong.”
- “Let’s
get you back to normal.”
Use:
- “I’m
here with you. Take the time you need.”
- “There’s
no right way to feel right now.”
- “How
can I best support you today?”
Leaders and teachers are advised to avoid common pitfalls:
- Minimizing
loss. Avoid “At least…” statements.
- Rushing
the grieving process.
- Treating
everyone the same. Embrace the
reality that grief is highly individualized.
- Overstepping
boundaries. Do not try to force
conversations or disclosure.
An ICORT mindset (Purkey, Novak, &
Fretz, 2020;; Anderson 2021) and unconditional
positive regard (Rodgers, 1956) does not remove grief. They do transform the environment around grief. When leaders and teachers consistently and
intentionally communicate care, optimism, respect, and trust, they create
conditions where individuals can grieve without losing their sense of belonging
or worth.
The following ICORT Quick-Reference Checklist for
Supporting Grief may an intentional resource for your leadership or pedagogical
toolbox:
CARING — “You
matter here.”
☐
Acknowledge the loss with empathy (no clichés)
☐ Check
in regularly (not just once)
☐ Offer
presence, not solutions
☐
Provide small supports (notes, flexibility, quiet space)
OPTIMISTIC — “There is hope, even in hard moments.”
☐
Normalize grief as a process (no timeline)
☐
Encourage without forcing positivity
☐
Gently remind them of strengths and supports
☐ Be
patient with ups and downs
RESPECTFUL — “Your experience is
valid.”
☐ Avoid
assumptions about how they “should” grieve
☐ Honor
cultural, personal, and emotional differences
☐ Offer
choices (talk / not talk, engage / step back)
☐
Protect dignity and privacy
TRUSTING — “You are capable and in
control.”
☐ Let
them guide what they need
☐
Maintain confidentiality
☐ Avoid
micromanaging work or emotions
☐
Empower autonomy in decisions and participation
FOR LEADERS
☐ Offer
flexible workload, deadlines, or schedule
☐ Keep
communication open and inclusive (no pressure)
☐
Connect staff to support resources (EAP, counseling)
☐ Model
empathy and appropriate vulnerability
FOR TEACHERS
☐
Provide academic flexibility (extensions, alternatives)
☐
Maintain predictable routines for stability
☐ Offer
optional expression outlets (journaling, art)
☐
Respond to behavior changes with curiosity, not punishment
HELPFUL LANGUAGE
☐ “I’m
here for you.”
☐ “Take
the time you need.”
☐
“There’s no right way to feel.”
☐ “How
can I support you today?”
AVOID
☐ “At
least…” statements
☐
Rushing recovery or “moving on”
☐
Forcing conversations or participation
☐
Treating everyone the same
A DAILY REMINDER
Intentionally lead with care. Hold hope (optimism). Honor
individuality (respect). Build trust.
To
cite:
Anderson, C.J. (March 31, 2026). Invitational education theory
and unconditional positive regard can support one’s grief [Web log post] Retrieved from http://www.ucan-cja.blogspot.com/
References
Anderson, C. J. (2021). Developing your students'
emotional intelligence and philosophical
perspective begins with I-CORT. Journal of Invitational Theory and Practice,
27, 36-50.
